\ud83d\udd8b\ufe0f Written progressively on a Wednesday evening, with real-time timestamps<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd70\ufe0f Timeline: Four days after the party, Wednesday night, late April<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n4:32 PM<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Still no message.
I\u2019ve finished college for the day \u2014 and it was a drag not getting any messages from David to keep me going. It made everything feel longer, duller\u2026 like I was moving through wet cement.<\/p>\n\n\n\nI hope he\u2019s okay. It\u2019s not like him to go quiet. Not after the way we\u2019ve been messaging \u2014 practically nonstop.
Maybe I should message him. Maybe I should call him?<\/p>\n\n\n\nNo. No. No.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He\u2019ll message when he wants to. Don\u2019t be that girl, Jess. Breathe. Just\u2026 breathe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n\n6:15 PM<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve checked my phone a dozen times in the last hour and nothing\u2019s changed. Still just that one good morning text from David at 8:06 AM, and then\u2026 silence. Not even a quick \u201cHey, crazy day\u201d or a distracted emoji. Nothing. I keep telling myself it\u2019s fine. Normal. People get busy. Life gets in the way. But after three straight days of us talking all day \u2014 into the night, even \u2014 this feels\u2026 different. Like the music stopped. And I\u2019m the only one still dancing. I hate that I care this much already.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I barely know him. But maybe it\u2019s not just about knowing someone. Maybe it\u2019s about feeling them. And with him, I felt it. Every little buzz from my phone was like air after holding my breath too long.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today? It\u2019s like cold turkey. And I\u2019m restless. Irritated. A little humiliated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n\n7:03 PM<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve cleaned my room. Twice!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not because it was messy \u2014 but because I needed something, anything<\/em>, to distract myself. I folded every shirt in my drawer like Marie Kondo was coming over. Vacuumed my already-vacuumed carpet. Even wiped down the light switches.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I think I\u2019m slowly losing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n\n7:37 PM<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Ok ok ok\u2026 it\u2019s official \u2014 I\u2019ve gone crazy. I don\u2019t know whether to be worried<\/em> or mad<\/em>. This is getting beyond ridiculous. I mean, who goes from texting me every couple of hours to complete silence?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Come on, David\u2026 please\u2026 just text.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n\n8:11 PM<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Okay, I caved. I sent the second message.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hope everything\u2019s ok? xxoo<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
I tried not to \u2014 really. I even deleted it twice before hitting send. But I couldn\u2019t keep staring at our thread, watching the gap between our messages stretch wider and wider. I hate the quiet. The way it fills up with doubt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What if he\u2019s changed his mind? What if I misread it all?
No. I won\u2019t go there. Not yet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n\n8:37 PM<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Still nothing. Not even a read receipt from my message this morning! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My heart is this weird mix of angry and anxious \u2014 like I want to scream and cry and ghost him right back. I mean, maybe he\u2019s just not that into me. Maybe Sunday-Tuesday David was the version who pretends<\/em> to care, and this is the real one. Or maybe I\u2019ve just become that<\/em> girl \u2014 the one who obsesses over a guy because he made her feel special for a hot minute.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
God. Make it stop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n\n9:01 PM<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Tiff just texted me. She asked if I was okay \u2014 said she had a weird feeling. I told her I was fine. Lied through my teeth. But then she sent a voice message \u2014 just thirty seconds of her being ridiculous and sweet and her<\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I almost cried. I think it\u2019s not just David\u2019s silence tonight. It\u2019s that feeling of being wanted\u2026 and then not<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And no one prepares you for how lonely that makes you feel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n\n9:22 PM<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m lying on my back, staring at the ceiling. My phone is beside me like it\u2019s part of my body now. Like if I hold it long enough, it\u2019ll summon<\/em> him. Nothing. And honestly? I\u2019m tired. Tired of pretending it doesn\u2019t bother me.
Tired of waiting for someone else to decide I\u2019m worth a reply.<\/p>\n\n\n\nBut I can\u2019t turn my brain off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n\n10:16 PM<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
STILL NOTHING!!! \u00a0Four minutes since I last checked.
This is madness.
Tiffany\u2019s trying to calm me down.<\/p>\n\n\n\nMe: \u201cThis sucks! He still hasn\u2019t messaged me. Like WTF!\u201d
Tiffany: \u201cStill nothing?\u201d
Me: \u201cNope\u2026 silence all day!\u201d
Tiffany: \u201cDon\u2019t stress Jess, I\u2019m sure he has a decent reason.\u201d
Me: \u201cMaybe\u2026 but maybe he just got sick of me already? Hahaha.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nI\u2019m spiralling. And she knows it. But Tiffany\u2019s right \u2014 she always is when it comes to these things. She tells me not to stress, but my brain\u2019s already a carnival of worst-case scenarios. I keep thinking about our conversations \u2014 about how easily they flowed, how I couldn\u2019t fall asleep without that final \u201cGoodnight x\u201d from him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And now I\u2019m lying here in bed, staring at my screen like it might breathe life if I will it hard enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n\n10:22 PM<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
I tossed my phone aside, got out of bed, and walked to the kitchen just to escape my own thoughts. I needed water. Or wine. Or maybe a sledgehammer to crack open whatever\u2019s happening in my head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I got back, I saw the screen lit up. A message.
I expected it would be from Tiffany \u2013 but not it was from him<\/strong>!<\/p>\n\n\n\nHey Jess, you awake?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
That was it. After a full day of silence \u2014 twelve hours of me second-guessing every breath I took \u2014 that\u2019s all he had to say? Are you kidding me? For a moment, I wanted to throw the phone. Or scream. Or say something bitchy and short.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I didn\u2019t.
I sat with it. Breathed. Read it again.
And then, I replied.<\/p>\n\n\n\nHey David, yep I\u2019m awake. Everything ok?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n\n10:24 PM<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
My phone started ringing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I just stared at it for a beat, as if the universe had glitched. And then I answered. My voice was calm, even though my heart was sprinting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We only spoke for a few minutes. Nothing groundbreaking. Just\u2026 him. Saying work had been insane \u2013 he\u2019d got called into work last minute \u2013 in the mad rush forgot his phone, and then his boss took him out to dinner. Saying he was sorry. Saying he\u2019d been thinking about me all day\u2014 that he wanted to call but didn\u2019t know my number yet\u2026 but as soon as he got home he message me!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then\u2026 he took a deep breath and asked.
\u201cWould you like to go out to dinner with me Friday night?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nJust like that. No games. No hesitation. My body flooded with something I couldn\u2019t quite name \u2014 a rush, a relief, a quiet explosion that started in my chest and spread through every nerve. I couldn\u2019t stop smiling. I still can\u2019t.
His voice did something to me. His question made it real<\/em>.
He<\/em> made it real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n\n10:38 PM<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
I couldn\u2019t hold it in. I tried to call Tiffany immediately after we hung up. The phone rang and rang.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cPick up. Pick up. Pick up,\u201d I whispered with every ring.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Finally, she answered \u2014 groggy and half-asleep \u2014 and I blurted everything out in one breath. The message. The call. The way his voice felt like gravity. The way he asked me out. The way I said yes<\/em> without even thinking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m lying in bed now with my phone resting on my chest like a secret I get to keep \u2014 just for a little while longer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n\n11:06 PM<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
He chose me<\/em> tonight. After all the silence, after all my spiralling \u2014 he reached out. He called.
And I can still hear his voice in my ear like a whisper that won\u2019t leave.
This isn\u2019t just texting anymore. This is something.
I don\u2019t know where it will go. I don\u2019t even know what it is yet. But I want to find out.<\/p>\n\n\n\nAnd that\u2019s enough for now.
Now I can sleep.. xxx<\/p>\n\n\n\n\u2014 J<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\ud83d\udd8b\ufe0f Written progressively on a Wednesday evening, with real-time timestamps \ud83d\udd70\ufe0f Timeline: Four days after the party, Wednesday night, late April 4:32 PM Still no message.I\u2019ve finished college for the day \u2014 and it was a drag not getting any messages from David to keep me going. It made everything feel longer, duller\u2026 like I…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"pmpro_default_level":"","_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-528","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","pmpro-has-access"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sensualtrio.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/528","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sensualtrio.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sensualtrio.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sensualtrio.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sensualtrio.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=528"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/sensualtrio.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/528\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":532,"href":"https:\/\/sensualtrio.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/528\/revisions\/532"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sensualtrio.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=528"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sensualtrio.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=528"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sensualtrio.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=528"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}